I went back to the beginning of my blog and started to read past posts and this got me thinking about my family. In my first post, I gave some history about Jill and I and our families. At that point, I was still talking to my mom and we didn't have Braden yet. A lot of time has passed and many things have happened. I try not to post about it because this blog is meant to be about the good stuff... Braden, Jill, and the wonderful people we have IN our lives that love and support us.
Jill's family has remained supportive along every step of the way -from pregnancy, birth, to now almost a one year old little angel! They love Braden whole heartedly and I could not ask for better grandparents and uncles for my precious little boy! They have been so great to me and I feel that they really do genuinely love me. Not only her parents and brothers, but her aunts, uncles, cousins, etc... have been there for all of us and they love Braden so much! This really is my FAMILY and I love them all so much!
Of course Jill and I have just gotten closer through all the ups and downs. I have to admit that there have been some tough times adjusting to having a little one. There is just not that extra time to focus on "us". So we have tried to remember that and have some alone time when we can. However, we waited so long for this little fella, that we just want to be with him as much as we can. I do cherish our time together and am so happy that she is a parent to Braden. He adores her and I love the bond they share:) She really is my soul mate and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with her!!!
There have been a few more people in my family to reach out- a few cousins and my great aunt on my dad's side. I must admit that it does feel good to have their support:) Not just for me, but for Braden as well! My brothers have been really good too. One is out of town, so we mainly talk on the phone and message through Facebook, but he does make a point to visit when he comes in to town. The other is in high school, so he is pretty busy with friends and sports. However, we have always been close and still talk on the phone and hang out together when we can. I know that they do love Braden, but it is different because I can tell the strain they feel being in the middle of one side telling them how wrong it is and me just wanting my brothers to be a part of my life. I know they are doing the best that they can right now and I am okay with that.
As for my parents, I finally decided that enough is enough. I told them I did not want anymore communication from them. I found out they were telling people that I am keeping Braden from them, which is a TOTAL and complete lie! They made ZERO effort to see their own grandson. They never called, came to the hospital, tried to visit, nothing- nada- zero-zilch! Yet, they tell people that we won't let them see him--- that was it for me. I have tried all I can and am just TIRED of all the drama! I don't need any extra of that in my life right now. The sad thing is that I think I could go the rest of my life and never speak to them and be totally okay with that. Isn't that awful? I used to be best friends with my mom and thought I would never go a day without seeing her or talking to her, now I am saying I could go the rest of my life and never speak to her. So as you can see there is just a lot of pain and hurt when it comes to my family. I do pray a lot for peace and I do feel at peace with my decision, but I still feel sad at the realization that I will never have my mom in my life again like she used to be. It just can never be that way again.
So now we look to the future with the wonderful people that we do have in our lives. The special people that will share in Braden's big day- it is coming up so soon. I just cannot believe it has been a year! This has been one amazing journey and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat! I love this little boy more than I knew was even possible. He is the answer to all my prayers and a total dream come true!!
Thank you Lord for all my many blessings.... my cup runnith over! AMEN!!!!
8 comments:
I don't understand your parents..I am a parent of two children...(ages 29 and 26) and a grandmother of three granddaughter...all we want for our children is their happiness.....we can't pick who our children are with we just want then happy.....they are missing out on sooo much.....
Oh, I do understand. I feel the same way about my mother. She tells outrageous lies about me keeping my kids away from her, but when Gavin was fighting for his life in th NICU, where was she? Nowhere to be found.
I am so happy that you have a wonderful family of your own making.
And I can't believe these kids are a year old in a couple weeks!!!! It's amazing!
And as for shoes, yeah, we have size 5.5 Nikes, Skechers and Crocs around here too. It's ridiculous!
I'm so sorry. That breaks my heart that you and your mom are not talking. I have gone long periods of time not talking to my mom also.
I do hope that at some point you can talk to your mom and come to some kind of middle ground.
Braden's Mammie and Granny Jo are here for him. As I've said before it's your mom and dad's lose not Braden's. Can't miss something you never really had or knew. You, Jill, and Braden have family without them and with the way your parents are now, you and your family are better off. Those that know you and Jill knows the truth, the rest doesn't matter. I'm still trying to figure out how a mother or grandparent can look themselves in the mirror, and call themselves a Christian let along a human being. To know you have a grandchild out there that you've never touched, loved or kiss it's little cheeks. I can't even remember my life before my five grandchildren came along. It's been my best journey of all. I can look myself in the mirror and I can talk to God and know he is there for me and listens, I would never turn my back on my own flesh and blood. Jesus didn't either nor did he turn his back on the sinners. I thank God everyday that my Catholic dad never turned his back on me, just because I fell in love with a special person. He was smart enough to see how happy I was and am now for over 20 years. So hang in there and stick with what you believe in and go on with your life. Remember garbage in garage out. Let Go Let God!
I am sorry about the situation with your family... but at least you have come to terms with it and are okay. Maybe one day they will come around and try and make it better, but if not, it will be their loss. You have a beautiful family.
Amber and Jill - I feel for you ... and support you. Isn't it crazy how the "mama bear" comes out once you have that offspring? Do what you have to do for yourselves and for Braden. But do remember God works miracles too.
Oh, I can SO relate to your post. It's heartbreaking to not be able to share your motherhood with your own mother. Believe me, I know. I think you have made the right decision though to cut loose the drama and focus on the people that do love and support you. Braden will be better for having those people in his lives who are positive and who adore him, not people who create drama and conflict. You're such a good mom! And remember, your blog buddies support and care about you too! Take care.
We struggle with this on my side of the family too, and are consoled that at least one side is always supportive. Hugs to you. You seem and are very happy, despite the loss here.
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